Bullying in South Africa – What To Do As A Parent

Bullying in South Africa is a painful and widespread reality, affecting countless children across the country. Whether it takes place in the classroom, on the playground, or behind a screen, bullying can have serious emotional, social, and academic consequences. As parents and caregivers, it’s essential that we understand the signs, effects, and solutions to help our children feel safe, supported, and empowered – wherever they are.

The Effects of Bullying on Children

The impact of bullying extends beyond the individual being targeted. Victims, witnesses and even perpetrators often face long-term consequences. These can include mental health challenges like depression and anxiety, behavioural problems, and increased risk of substance abuse. Alarmingly, local research suggests that 42% of bullies were once victims themselves – highlighting how bullying in South Africa (and beyond) can become a damaging and self-perpetuating cycle. 

Based on research conducted by NPO’s, the results of TIMMS 2019 questionnaires and various other reports by Anti-Bullying organisations, the following statistics have come to light: 

• South Africa had the highest rate of cyberbullying globally as of 2018
• More than 3.2 million learners experience bullying annually in South Africa
• More than 67% of victims never seek help, believing it won’t make a difference
• Daily, an estimated 160,000 high school learners skip school to avoid a bully
• 1 in 10 learners drop out of school altogether as a result of bullying
• 74% of Grade 5 learners reported being bullied at school almost monthly

These figures show how deeply embedded in communities bullying in South Africa is. As parents, we cannot afford to ignore this reality – most children will encounter bullying at some point in their lives.

The Different Faces of Modern Bullying in South Africa

It’s important to recognise that there’s a difference between bullying and fighting. Fighting takes place between people with equal power – whether that power relates to strength, size, intellect or access to resources. When someone uses their superior power or aggression to victimise another, it’s considered bullying. This superior power can be physical strength, popularity, access to embarrassing information, etc. The sources of power that one person can wield over another have become practically limitless, making bullying tricky to identify.

Here are the most common forms of bullying: 

• Physical Bullying: This includes, striking, kicking, shoving, destruction of property, tripping and even spitting.
• Verbal Bullying: Name-calling, threats of physical harm and harassment are some of the more common shapes of verbal bullying. 
• Social Bullying: In this category, the bully actively impacts the victims relationships by starting rumours, excluding the victim, gossiping, etc. 
• Cyberbullying: A blend of verbal and social bullying that happens online – often constant and harder to escape.

Signs Your Child Might Be Getting Bullied

As a parent, one of the greatest tools you have available to you is active listening. When children talk about their day or peers, listen attentively – these conversations often hold clues to underlying issues. This means cherishing the times that our children open up to us, by putting away distractions like phones and laptops.

Warning Signs of Bullying in South Africa:

• Emotional and behavioural signs such as sudden mood changes, withdrawal, low self-esteem, sleep disturbances, changes in appetite, unexplained tears or outbursts, and fear of going to school
• Physical signs such as damaged or missing belongings, unexplained injuries and frequent complaints of illness
• Academic signs such as a drop in marks, skipping school, declining interest in school activities or attempts to avoid certain areas like playgrounds
• Psycho-social signs such as changes in friends or friend-groups, increased aggression in the home, thoughts of self-harm, feelings of helplessness, avoiding social interaction and sudden clinging to or avoidance of parents 

If you’re concerned about how bullying is affecting your child’s self-worth, try our Self-Esteem Worksheet for Primary School Learners and Self-Esteem Worksheet for Teens. These tools are designed to help your child rebuild confidence and develop a more resilient sense of self. Check out our blog post on helping your child with low self esteem!

How to Help if Your Child is Being Bullied

If your child opens up about bullying, remain calm and supportive. Many children hesitate to speak up because they fear adults will overreact and make things worse. Rather than reacting emotionally and setting a poor example, praise your child for doing the right thing by telling an adult. It’s a great idea to come up with potential solutions in collaboration with your child, to ensure that no unintended backlash is caused. 

If a matter is not serious, remind your child that bullies often seek a reaction, so it’s best to not give them one. For more serious cases, here are some useful steps to take: 

1. Gather Information

Start by documenting what has happened. Include specific details: dates, locations, names, bystanders, actions, threats, and any evidence. This record will be crucial if you need to report the matter either to the school (for incidents at school) or the police (for incidents outside of the school).

2. Understand School Policies and Legal Rights

Request the school’s anti-bullying policy and code of conduct. Review these to see if rules have been broken or if there’s been any negligence.

Key legislation to be aware of:

• The South African Schools Act 84 of 1996: This focuses mainly on a school’s onus to compile and enforce a code of conduct.  

• The Children’s Act 38 of 2005: This law gives children the right to bring a case of bullying to court – this may apply to the bully or even to the school in cases of negligence. 

• The Child Justice Act 75 of 2008: Depending on whether the perpetrator has criminal capacity (i.e. is at least 12 years old), this Act will prescribe likely outcomes. 

• The Protection from Harassment Act 17 of 2011: The latest and probably most useful legal tool, this Act allows for victims of bullying to apply for protection orders without legal representation. If these orders are violated, the perpetrator will be considered guilty of an offence and liable (on conviction) to a fine or prison.    

3. Reach Out to the School

Report the incidents clearly and calmly. Refer to school policies and communicate your expectations. Taking a combative stance is unlikely to lead to a positive outcome, so aim for a cooperative approach. Continue communication until the school has committed to an action plan with clear deadlines. 

3.1 If Applicable, Report the Matter to the Police

If the bullying happens outside of school, and is serious, you may need to involve the police. Keep case numbers for reference and seek legal advice if unsure.

4. Monitor Progress

Check-in regularly with your child to see if the bullying has stopped. You can also follow up with the principal or the school, as agreed deadlines are reached. 

5. Escalate Actions if There Are No Changes

If bullying continues, be sure to diligently document any further incidents. If necessary, you can file for a Protection Order. Furthermore, you may consider escalating the matter to the board of education. You may also be able to file charges with the school board or other law enforcement avenues. 

6. Additional Actions for Cyberbullying

Be sure to capture and retain screenshots of all incidents and interactions. Offensive posts, comments and pictures should be reported to the relevant social media platform, if applicable. 

How To Prevent Bullying 

Even if your child is not currently being bullied, there are measures you can put in place as a family and a community to try to prevent incidents of bullying in South Africa. The steps below can help to prevent bullying or can help you to spot it more quickly. 

1. Educate Your Children About Bullying

It’s important to discuss with your children what bullying looks like. This will allow them to more easily identify whether it is happening to them or someone else. 

2. Speak to Your Child Openly and Often

Foster an environment in which you and your child speak comfortably about difficult topics. This makes it more likely they will confide in you if they are faced with bullying or other challenges. To build this type of environment, check in with your children daily. Engage about their day at school and their online lives, discussing not only their classes and activities, but also their impressions and feelings. 

3. Encourage Your Child to be a Positive Roleplayer

In most bullying incidents there are three parties: the perpetrator, the victim and the bystander. Even if your child is not the victim of a bully, they can help to prevent bullying by being kind, respectful and inclusive of their peers. Encourage them to speak out against and about bullying behaviour that they witness or become aware of. 

4. Endeavour to Build Your Child’s Self Confidence

You can do this by encouraging them to participate in classes or activities that bring them joy in the community. This type of active participation can help build their confidence and broaden their social connections.  

5. Be a Role Model

By showing your child how to treat others with kindness and respect, you are entrenching a culture that does not leave room for bullying. This also means speaking up when you see injustice and talking to your child about it – whether you witness it in real life or see it depicted on television. Children look to the adults in their lives as examples of how they should behave. Don’t forget that they may also see your online behaviour and actions, so be sure to set a good example. Gone are the days of “do as I say, not as I do”.   

6. Include Yourself in Your Child’s Online Experience

In our blog about limiting screen time, we highlighted the importance of maintaining openness with your child and navigating their online lives with them. You can do this by becoming familiar with which platforms your children use, as well as by explaining to them how the online and offline worlds are connected. It is also helpful to have frank (but age-appropriate) discussions with them about the variety of risks they may face online.  

Summing It Up: Bullying in South Africa

Bullying is more than a passing childhood issue – it leaves lasting scars and shapes how children see themselves and others. By staying informed, creating open lines of communication, and modelling respectful behaviour, parents can play a powerful role in breaking the cycle of bullying. It’s never too early – or too late – to build a culture of kindness, courage and empathy, both at home and beyond.

Looking to support your child’s confidence and resilience in their academic life too? BrightSparkz offers compassionate, experienced tutors who focus on much more than marks – we help learners rediscover their spark!

An adapted version of this article has been published on our sister site.